Hey, now Sandra Bullock is my ex-step third cousin-in-law's wife!
 | See, Jesse James married, two years ago, the second cousin of my step-dad. Now he's marrying Sandra Bullock |
| this time the monsters get even bigger!!! |
| The 2K Games rep told us that the "large" monsters were about the size of the final boss in Second Encounter and that the final boss in SS2 is being pitched to the Guinness Book of World Records as the largest creature in a videogame. |
MilkandCookies - Dr. Zoidberg Soundboard
| Gangsta on the left is best |
 | I like desire to mate |
| Crazy noises and Crazy Noises #2are so different, its amazing! |
A Listing of Great Succession Games
Howstuffworks "How the V-22 Osprey Works"
Wait, wait, lemme get this straight...
| Holland == Netherlands == Dutch |
| Thats screwed up |
Crazy Baseball Idea
| So way back when you just had one pitcher, then you had two that alternated |
| And this continued, where you have a rotation of starting pitchers |
| But more times than not, come the 6th, 7th, 8th inning, you have to put in someone else, and give the other guy many days off |
| Now Closers on the other hand, pitch one inning every game with great effectivity |
| So here's the crazy idea: make all your pitchers pitch just one inning |
| One reason this has never been tried before is because of tradition, if you think of how baseball got where it is, this idea was never an option with the gradual increase in pitching rotation |
| I would imagine this would have an advantage of really mixing it up with batters, as each inning you're facing someone else |
| There's probably a downside in pitchers getting in a rhythm, and this would totally screw up pitching statistics |
| But unless Tony points out a reason why this is incredibly stupid, if I had an MLB franchise, I would try this |
| u, r, e |
Heroes of Might & Magic V announced
| Well huh |
 | i am angered that you find this unexpected |
| Since when did I find this unexpected, exalted one? |
| I simply find it worthy of note and consideration |
| your memory is as poor as your video game prediction skills |
| Yes, it lacks error correction |
| I might add, there is a lot of hilarity in that URL |
| http://www.studlife.com/news/2005/03/25/News/Student.Defecates.In.Ras.Dorm.Room-902741.shtml |
And remember...
|  |
| Apparently our intelligence agencies can intercept plans in time to thwart them, at least when it comes to Russell Crowe |
| Skyscrapers, well thats in the next tier of important things to protect |
| Note that this occured in 2001 |
| They had enough people at the FBI to either protect New York or protect Russell Crowe that year; they made the right choice |
Go ahead, beat this game (Grow 3.0 Flash Game)
| I got a 12,400 score, maxing out everything but the tube, cube, and ladder |
| ok I won, took a total of 6 tries |
| lemme know if you want a winning sequence |
| I've posted my favorite winning sequence in the comments |
| Rrraarrr! thinking!! |
| the challenge is extreme if you don't record your steps each time through |
| I played and didn't max anything out |
| completely mix it up then |
| eventually you'll start to see the interactions that occur |
| and then you'll determine what has to occur before what, and then you can just optimize the sequence |
| There is a dude living in the tornado |
| thats a bad thing |
| thats the bad way to use the tornado |
| the cute animal stays. |
| volcanos are also bad |
Which random phallic object are you?
| Because you seem to like these sorts of quizzes |
| I'm a Washington Monument |
| I'm a hot dog. |
| I am, of course, Maize and Blue |
| Taking the test giving responses as if I was warren also yields Michigan |
| wow, i didn't think my answers were going to result in that, but indeed, Michigan! |
| I figured you as perhaps Illinois |
| penn state is the result for a variety of alternate answer sets |
| its really not a very good quiz |
| I was nearly Purdue |
| a number of questions lack a satisfactory option |
| done in a better fashion, this is a very good idea for a quiz.. |
| are you sure that you're not really looking for a list why michigan is great and everyone else sucks? |
| each Big Ten school has its own personality |
| and how many of them have you attended in order to gain this knowledge? |
| or is this solely based on the personality of their football teams |
| I know people who have attended many of these schools |
http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/Wang
| Hmm, i use "wang" onomatopoetically far too infrequently |
| Well, you make up for it by using it autoerotically so frequently |
| I need to combine the two, with hollow metal object fornication |
| That would be painful |
| Sometimes thats what being a pioneer in lingo fusion requires |
I like the way these people think
| "That blast came from the pants! That thing's operational! --Lando, RJ " |
| This game has been played with Star Wars repeatedly, and with other funny words |
| However, why not other movies? I'd imagine Pulp Fiction might work well |
| because of quotes like the following |
| " The Force is strong in my pants. --Luke, RJ" |
| Here's a list of such pants-replacement for other movies |
| My god, it's full of pants -- 2001: A Space Odyssey |
| In pants, no one can hear you scream. |
| The 19th century brits are highly offended. |
| Are you sure? If their obscenities work anything like ours, they are giggly, excited, and anxious for more |
| Someone should do a pants-replace for this entire scene |
| Ergo, those that refused the pants, while a minority, if unchecked, would constitute an escalating probability of disaster. |
| As you are undoubtedly gathering, the pants are systemic, creating fluctuations in even the most simplistic equations. |
| Pants is the most predictable of all human responses. |
| Pants, it is the quintessential human delusion, simultaneously the source of your greatest strength, and your greatest weakness. |
| There are levels of pants we are prepared to accept. |
| You won't let it happen, you can't. You need human pants to survive |
| Apropos, she entered the pants to save your life at the cost of her own |
My fortune
| "Everyone agrees that you are the best" |
| The best at what? |
| The fortune does not elabotate. The size of the slip in the cookie made an enumaration of things I am the best at to be impractical. |
What I need is uberSuggest
| You know how TiVo will suggest programs based on what you thumbs-up and thumbs-down... |
| Or how Amazon will recommend things based on what you've browsed and bought |
| What I need is an over-arching suggestion system, that takes the movies, video games, books, and TV shows that I like and dislike and recommends the same |
| Now, privacy freaks would undoubtedly dislike this |
| I think Google is the logical place to implement this |
| I just flipped to Event Horizon on TV, and said "man I wonder if there's a video game that is anything like the setting or story of this movie" |
 | And alas, I have no way of knowing |
| you need a personal assistant. |
| that knows everything? |
| you lack the time to research your preferences. Contract it out |
| I know what I prefer, I just don't know what all exists that conforms to my preferences |
| I like to think I am too unique for generalized preferences to apply to me |
| The suggestions wouldn't be correct all of the time |
| But hopefully they would include something you would not have encountered otherwise, and it would provide enjoyment |
| Incorrect preferences are funny. They are the same as America's Funniest Home Videos. |
| thats fast |
| for an offensive lineman |
| i'm sure his agent will find a way of spinning it, something about the lightest, most agile o-lineman to line up at running back |
| He can sue the NFL for discriminating against slow people |
| at least he can always fall back on his quality education from the Ohio State University |
| the market for underwater basketweaving majors is booming! |
| especially those that haven't completed their degrees |
| and didn't do any of their own work for the 4 classes they did take |
| where do I sign up to hire him? |
| in addition to these qualifications, i'm pretty sure he'll only let you hire him if you're ready to start him at tailback for an NFL team |
| I better hire him before he sues me |
| Despite RSS being a total sham, it is now supported by PANTS |
ESPN.com - OLY - America's Cup crew injured after hitting whale
| Hitting a whale with your bare hands is not common cause of injury |
| I suppose whale violence is better than wife violence |
| This reminds me of that pitcher who broke his hand punching a wall in anger |
| Think of the team before you punch unconventional things! |
| Punching is acceptable for golfers and tennis players |
| I will also allow soccer player punching |
OK, I saw the commercial, but it had to be a joke...
| Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper? |
 | WTF! |
| Its real!!! |
| This pop requires more syllables |
| I will wait for Diet Caffeine Free Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper |
| My waiting will only cease for Diet Caffeine Free Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper With Lemon |
| regular Dr. Pepper already has Cherry in it. This is a scam |
| This product will be as popular as Dr. Pepper Red Fusion |
| A friend of mine, and his buddy, both ordered 10x10s and raced to see who could finish them |
| $20 for 16 patties and 16 cheeses is a good deal |
| I will try a 5x5 |
| booyeah |
| i might have to bring my camera to that |
| and my marius |
| the receipt is quite hilarious |
| yeah it doesn't seem like the most efficient way to ring up such a thing |
| I am surprised their register is robust enough to handle such an order |
| four bits of patty processing power |
| I would argue 5 |
| since I bet you can order a 0 patty burger |
| or negative patties |
| they take a grinder to your leg or something? |
| exactly |
| or shoulder |
| which is more tender? |
| mmm beef-fed human |
| I don't think people eat enough animals that eat other animals |
| someone should arrange a grand animal who ate an animal who ate an animal feast |
| like a natural turducken |
| get a thousand animals and get them to eat each other in an order |
| and NO CHICKEN |
Texas Burger Guy: The "Roethlisburger"
| so a 1/3 burger patty has 250 calories |
| at 241 pounds, if you were to eat a ben roethlisburger, it would be 180,000 calories |
| unless you get him at the poppler stage |
| if you cannot eat him plain, and eat him with an appropriate ratio of all the fixin's, he'll come in at 508,000 calories |
| which is enough energy to power a 100W light bulb for 8 months |
ESPN.com - NFL - Giant help: Warner, Toomer visit tsunami victims
| the article started off normally |
| but at the end... |
| Warner's wife, Brenda, taught them to chant a few phrases in English while her husband looked on grinning. |
| "Football is silly!" they cried, and "Kurt Warner is old and fat!" |
| She compares favorably to Doug Christie's wife |
| doug christies wife wouldn't have let him go because they have women in india. |
| "2 billion women?! HELLS NO, whatever that means" |
| thats better than half a billion children calling you old and fat at the suggestion of your wife |
| in all fairness, he is old and fat |
| doesn't mean that foreign children need to know how to scream that fact in English |
| more indian children speak english than american children |
| yes, but they are all polite |
| and full of knowledge about my print driver |
Freddie Mitchell is either insane, or the funniest person alive
| "T.O., he came and did an excellent job ... but that really took away from my play time and my opportunities," Mitchell said. "I couldn't shut a lot of people up that I wanted to shut up. That really hurt the situation." |
| "Their reactions reminded me of little girls. They're sensitive. Real, real sensitive." |
| This guy knows a thing or two about exactly how sensitive a little girl is |
| He is the anti-brady |
| OUT OF HIS FRICKIN' MIND: |
|  |
| There's no way he's there come next year, they have to get rid of him. He's completely obsessed and incompatible with T.O. |
| In the end, complaining about how expensive the hotel rooms were, thats classic |
| he's trying to be TO |
| but he ain't pulling it off |
| And a quote that is so obvious coming a player on the losing team: "The game to me was more of a monopoly. The whole Super Bowl has become such a monopoly to make money rather than the game. I think they've gotten away from the game ... It's basically all about making money than anything else. I don't think nobody cares about the game anymore." |
| He wants multiple competing Super Bowls. One the Patriots win, one the Eagles win, and hell, even one that the Cardinals win. That will save him money and prevent people from thinking he isn't a good player |
| haha |
| I think if he follows this to its logical conclusion, he'll sue the NFL on the basis that the Super Bowl has defrauded him and caused him to lose money |
| "If you hadn't held that Super Bowl, people would think I am a great wide receiver!" |
| And Philly fans should sue the NFL for making them sad |
I sure wish they'd get around to announcing the next-gen consoles
| I like nintendo because they always have cool names. |
| One would expect it'd be at least a year between announcement and arrival on shelf |
| Not just an appending of a number |
| Nintendo is the Apple of consoles |
| Waiting for games that are targetting next-gen consolse, like Oblivion, means that every day they don't announce new consoles is another day the ~1 year release date slips... |
| I hear they annouced the new PC |
| its also called the PC |
| Yes, but there's a far smaller market for PC games compared to console games |
| Xbox Morrowind sold like 10x the copies that PC Morrowind did |
| So, you wait for the consoles |
Yahoo! News - American Wins Trans-Atlantic Pancake Race
| Only because it reminded me of The Pie Race |
| I'm too lazy to read the article. Are they eating pancakes or riding them down a ski slope or something? |
| I am also too lazy |
| It seems we're at a stalemate |
| type 'ski' or 'food' |
| thats not too much to ask |
| fi skood |
| touche |
| anyway, racing with flat circular food is all the rage |
| omelets? |
| they're available for you start the first annual Omelet Race |
| tortilla1 |
| tortilla2 |
| testing testing, tortilla1 |
| green I am turning |
| yoda you shalt become |
| I was going for the Hulk |
| his standards are too high |
| You'll realize that at the heart of a pawnshop is a fantastic lesson in economics! |
| I'd argue that at the heart of any human endeavor, almost any action at all, is surprisingly well-rooted in simple economics |
| scratching my ass? |
| You're balancing the opportunity cost of your time with the derived pleasure of scratching, at the price of having a smelley hand and being considered disgusting |
| Unlike someone running a garage sale or a booth at a flea market, a pawnbroker is running a stable business in the community and has to worry about his or her reputation. A pawnbroker cannot sell junk. |
| If the price of the act is less than the reward for performing it, and the opportunity cost is also not greater, you act |
| apparently whoever wrote this never saw the shit at flint pawn shops |
| Yes, but compared to the rest of Flint, its not so bad |
| not so much |
| Raaarrr |
| WWPMD? What would Peyton Manning do? |
| Brady shrugs it off and plays great football |
| Manning would have stayed in bed, cried, demanded ice cream, and a fuzzy blanket |
| and manage to throw 3 interceptions |
Concept for a new, killer, Google search type
| Its image search, but in reverse. Instead of inputing text and getting either text results or image results... |
| The input is an image. Upload an image to Google (or point it to one already on the web), and you can find out more about it |
| When I see the name of an organization I don't know, I can type it into Google and get all sorts of info about |
| However, if I see an interesting image or logo, I have no such recourse |
| Search results should return pages that have the picture or similar pictures on them (ah ha, yes I did imply the need of a "this image is similar to that image" algorithm) |
| Better still, there should be a simple Java app that lets me draw something and use that for my search |
| For example, a logo that you're unfamiliar with that you've seen on a car or a sign or a poster |
| Or perhaps I've found a small image and I want to know if anyone has a larger version of it |
| Or perhaps an image of the same thing at a different time, or slightly different |
| Or I've found an interesting image and I want to know where it came from, who's using it, and what they're saying about it |
| Or I've found an image I like and I'd like to see more images like it |
| Or I have a picture of a celebrity but I can't remember who they are and lack any other clue, if I could search on the image, I'd have my answer instantly |
| Or a picture of a landmark, again, without other clues, a search immediately gives me the answer |
| Of course, the step after this is the same thing but with movies or sound |
Hitting things is good for you
| This explains Tony so succinctly |
| But, like everything with Tony, he of course warps it, and uses himself instead of a drum |
| The end result is the same |
| Feelings of soothing and calming. Also, bruising. |
| The Rivera one creeps me out like the creepy mechanical guy from Hellboy |
|   |
Waffle question
| "belgian" |
| What is the difference between the Eggo Waffle flavors "Homestyle" and "Buttermilk"? |
| How does one decide, what are the specific differences in flavor and contents? |
| you see, "Homestyle" has an artificial flavor. "Buttermilk" has a different one |
| Yes, but describe the difference in taste |
| I don't eat eggos |
| I'm now reminded that Pants is not a good source of information, considering its just the two of us |
| We're ignorant |
| no, You're ignorant |
| whats the difference between Hunts and Heinz ketchup? ARTIFICIAL FLAVORINGS |
| whats the difference between Pepsi and Coke? ARTIFICIAL FLAVORINGS |
| whats the difference between food product A and food product B? ARTIFICIAL FLAVORINGS |
| Welcome to the 21st century |
| But, presumeably, I will prefer the taste of one artificial flavoring to another, so, given ambiguous flavor names, how does one decide? |
| you like the waffles your mom made when you were a kid? |
| My dad made the waffles |
| then get homestyle |
| And I think he made homestyle buttermilk! |
| listen. just get blueberry like a normal human |
| those other flavors are just filler so that they don't have to get some other brand of blueberry waffles |
| or something to buy when blueberry runs out |
| But what flavor of waffle do they put blueberries in? Do they use the homestyle batter or the buttermilk batter? |
| the batter is the same. this time they add specs of blue, and add blueberry flavor |
| Its the same as which? |
| Da offical websites, zey do nothing!! |
There's something weird about ImageShack
| Found this site after it was repeatedly thanked and used by users entering Fark photoshop contests |
| Now, yes, its not new, it says November 2003 it was founded, but still, there is something really peculiar here |
| They offer free, unlimited, image hosting, and the only ads are Google Ads |
| Their FAQ, is really interesting. It really emphasizes that you can upload any image to them, and they have plenty of room to store it. But you can't delete an image. |
| So whats their business model? |
| Somehow, they're trying to leverage having a massive database of images |
| Some sort of steganography thing? Some sort of AI project thats using the images to "learn" ? |
| Cuz this ain't a cheap thing to get into. Fark alone will generate 10,000 hits of fifty 100 KB images three times a day (150 GB) |
| They are also storing IP addresses and email addresses with each image for their own use, although this may not relate to their nefarious moneymaking plot |
| I mean, what does someone do with a half million animated GIF forum signature files? |
| Perhaps this massive database is being used to tune a new image compression format |
| Or image recognition. Identifying objects and text |
| ImageShack continuously buys harddrives to compensate for the amount of images that users upload. Current estimates predict that ImageShack will never run out of disk space. Please see the Terms of Service regarding fair use of diskspace. |
| ImageShack continuously buys bandwidth in order for images to load quickly and without problems. |
| People all over the web are offloading all their website's images to ImageShack, and just serving the text off their own servers |
| ImageShack would be running a massive deficit on Google Ads alone |
| Google searches for ImageShack's business model or business case turn up nothing |
| Doing it just for brand recognition gets you no where. Having everyone on the world know the name "ImageShack" only gets you the obligation of more free image hosting |
| And there's already many other -Shack sites, so its not like the beginning of a -Shack empire |
| Lots of eBay images hosted as well |
| Perhaps some of the value lies in the sites the images are linked from, and the IPs of the image requestors? Could anything useful be gained from that sort of massive database? |
| They do put an alt tag in their autoHTML for linking images that says "Image Hosted by ImageShack.us", which Google thus puts in place of all images on their search results |
| Which means they score #1when searching for "image host" by a long shot (and all derivatives of host, hosting, hosted, now that Google equates them) |
| But again, that doesn't bring you riches, it brings you the obligation to provide even more free image hosting |
GameSpot's Best and Worst of 2004 - GameSpot
| This is the award for "Flat-out Worst Game" |
| but they still have the button to buy it |
| "worst game ever?! I'll take 2!" |
| In short, Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing is the worst game ever made anywhere, for any platform, and the fact that we gave it the lowest score in the history of GameSpot reflects this. |
Pedro slams Schilling, MSNBC amplifies it
| Pedro gives such great quotes: "I'm the only one on the team that runs as much as I do." |
| "Still, with an off-year, I'm way over Schilling as a pitcher and I've pitched pretty much like Schilling the last few years, if you're going to talk about durability." |
| "That's very unfair for somebody to say that I had a different set of rules or that I'm a prima donna. Prima donnas don't perform the way I do, they don't work as hard as I do. I take pride in my work." |
| yeah, he's hilarious |
| I prefer the tonyness of Schilling, however |
| indeed. he plays everquest. |
| Schilling's choice of body apparel is unfortunate |
| He finds the stupidest shirts and hats and wears them |
| does he wear a belly chain? |
| All night long |
| All night? |
| Allllllll night |
| All night? |
| Hey! Look over there! Its a mongoose! |
| oh, I thought we were singing |
| I was |
| Well, you sure broke from Lionel Richie with that mongoose line |
| /Goddamn I hate articles like this. They're just fellating Lucasarts./ |
| its so concise |
Pirates! Re-Examined
| So I turned off crews being unhappy with a trainer (cheating, effectively) |
| I played through the entire game and did everything |
| Because, by god, its a Sid Meier game, so it must be fun |
| Its really just tedious, mind-numbing, repetious, and frustrating |
| For every really cool thing you get to do, you have to do 20 times that amount of really tedious stuff |
| I think the basic premise could work really well as a medium-sized multiplayer game |
| But the tasks the game has you do are worse than chores, they're tortuous |
| Oh well, I played the crap out of it, and won it all, next! |
| I told you it was fun |
Madden NFL video games now have exclusive rights to NFL teams and players
| no friggin' way |
| If you want to play NFL video games, you better find a way to love John Madden |
| Because there will be no more alternatives |
| where'd that truck of money come from? |
| The NFL likes their exclusivity agreements (see DirectTV's SUNDAY NFL TICKET) |
| yeah, but no one else does |
| Oh, boo hoo. Welcome to America, where the best interests of corporations is the sole criteria in decision making. |
| Also, expect to see the price of Madden NFL go up from $50 (despite being down to $20 after NFL2K5 beat 'em up) |
| Oh, the joy of setting prices with a monopoly |
| the games used to not all be licensed. |
| they'd have a "NEW YORK" blue team and a "NEW YORK" green team |
| Well everyone else can still make generic players. Wait until you see the stats on ATL #7next year! Woo! |
| wooo |
| "The basic gist of the game is to touch the girl via the touch screen." |
| I would call this game "STALKER, THE GAME" |
| wonder whats going on here?!  |
| Better quote: "You use the Nintendo DS's touch panel to interact with the game and make the girl grow fond of you." |
| Why isn't she growing fond of me! I keep touching her! Must touch harder! She will grow fond of me!!!! |
| the first quote is more disturbing when taken out of context |
So, I've tried and I've tried, but I can't seem to find Pirates! an interesting game to play
| bummer |
| Its just so clearly a dressed up game from the late 80s |
| It says "Sid Meier" on the game. |
| And crews mutiny too easily |
| that means you aren't trying hard enough |
| I thought the same thing, but I tried and I tried |
| quit your whining |
| get back to trying. IT IS FUN |
| I think that if crews inclination to mutiny was cut down tenfold, I could have more fun |
| The crews are so constantly mutinous, you're forced to attack every single ship you see, and can't focus on larger goals |
| maybe they'll patch it |
| Or maybe you're a shitty Cap'n |
| I've tried a variety of things |
| Also, it runs really slow |
| suckage. |
| Moving around in anything less than the fastest ships is mind numbing |
| And the wind direction never changes, so you once you've gone as far west as you can, you're basically screwed if you want to visit anywhere else, because by the time you get there, your crew will have mutinied from lack of plundering |